Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
