one might say we're banned from that church
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
