She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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