Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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