Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
