Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
