dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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