There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
