She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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