The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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