All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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