in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
