I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
