Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
