Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
