This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
