the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the day after is always just damage control
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
