babies were throwing up all over the place
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
