It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
