It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
