When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
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My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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