The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize