he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Buhtt sex?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
