I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
