TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
