He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
