One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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