Will you blow on my dice?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
