i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
