i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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