my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
