if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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