i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
