I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
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All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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