they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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