what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
