Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
