all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
