yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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