I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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