im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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