I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
