Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
