saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize