I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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