Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
