He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
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How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize