Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
