at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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