the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
