dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
