apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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