Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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