UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
