I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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