operation have a gay friend backfired
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Terrible idea I love it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
