the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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