there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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