I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
