I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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