ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
