I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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