May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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