sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize