Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
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Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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