i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
