you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
