dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
