omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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