Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni