We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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